Forgiving!

When someone hurts you, it usually brings up feelings of resentment and anger. Sometimes, the situation can feel like it is consuming you. Every time you think of this person, the rage starts boiling over.

Here are the words I hear from my patients when someone has hurt them or let them down:

“I feel completely screwed over”

“I’m going to get back at him, he better watch out”

“I’m devastated. I would never treat someone like that”

No one handles rejection or abandonment well. Whether it is a spouse having an affair, a spouse choosing to divorce you, a friend blowing you off, a job lay-off, being passed up for a promotion at work. Being forgiving is tough. Usually the situation keeps popping up in your mind. Being tendency to dwell on it at the expense of positive energy. Before you know it you feel ANGRY a lot.

Anger affects your physical and mental health in the following ways:

Causes the release of the stress hormone cortisol

Increases heart rate

Increases blood pressure

Increases anxiety

Increases depression

Increase risk of heart attack and stroke

Can cause trouble sleeping

So- being angry just doesn’t pay. Maybe YOU even made a mistake that someone got angry with you and you wish they would forgive you.

The question is- how do you let go of that kind of anger when you feel wronged?

You make the decision to be kind to yourself. Remember; forgiveness is a decision.

Don’t mix up forgiving with saying the person who hurt you isn’t “in the wrong”. Forgiving just means moving on- no longer investing the negative energy and anger.

One of my young adult patients lost a parent and was enraged that her father’s wife (her “step-mom”) got a lot more money than she did. She felt it was totally unfair and she thought about it all the time. It was hard to concentrate on her new job. She gave up her hobbies. Her boyfriend told me the unfairness was all she talked about. Her obsession was hurting their relationship. I treated her depression and did therapy with her. She was able to work through her anger by learning to focus on the positives in her life and “move on”.

People who tend to get “obsessed” with unfairness are often people who need to work on enriching their own lives.

The take-home lesson here is that letting go of anger and being forgiving feels really good. It is the best thing you can do for your mental and physical health. Invest your energy into something positive in your life and you will heal from your wounds and have a happier life.

Put any stories you have about forgiveness in the comment box below.

Now go practice being forgiving and see how good it feels!

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Tags: 10 steps to happiness, forgiving, how to be happy, new job, personal development